Dear Queery Traveler

In 2020, we can finally agree on the importance of self care. Sometimes, even the strongest people have questions with no answers. We’re here to be your sound-board, friend, confidant and advisor. Whether you’re a parent of a questioning child, a leader in a diverse work space, or a queery traveler looking for an ear: we are here for you. Email us with your questions at: dearqueerytraveler@gmail.com.

Dear Queery Traveler,

 I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am a homoromantic asexual.

The problem?
I’ve been in a straight marriage for a few years and they are a really good person. They have an extremely low self esteem and I just know that they are going to think something is wrong with them. They are a recovering addict and I am afraid my coming out will cause a relapse. My partner already has strong feelings of worthlessness and abandonment issues. Idk what to do. I am angry at myself and ashamed that I even feel this way and wish I could just be a regular old straight.

Sincerely,
Queer and Afraid

Dear Queer and Afraid,

 
Thanks for your patience; we wanted to get professional advice to give you the best answer possible. We know this is a difficult time, but we support you and your feelings. There is nothing wrong with coming to terms with who you are; its the key to happiness. 
To ensure the best approach, we asked two social workers for there professional opinion. Here is what they agreed on:
 
Be honest: “honesty is the best policy.” There will never be a right time, but for your partners sake, the overall consensus was that being honest was the best option. People are intuitive; your partner may not know exactly whats going on, but likely feels a distance. They may have a low self-esteem because they think you aren’t attracted to them specifically, so letting them know the truth may sting at first, but should help your spouse understand that it has nothing to do with them. 
 
In regards to their sobriety,  life is constantly throwing curve-balls. You have to trust that they will stay sober for themselves. There is always going to be stressful situations, its important that your partner follows through with practices they were given in times of stress.
 
Ultimately, its difficult to give you an answer without knowing the whole situation. Both professionals had many questions left unanswered and warned that each situation is different and should be handled as such. It’s okay to ask for help, and your best option may be sitting down with a therapist to work through this with your partner carefully. Sometimes people need to hear the same situation from another person, and having a professional in the room may also help in regards to your partner’s sobriety.
 
We hope this helps and send you love and support. We are happy that you are on a road to living your life authentically and in truth. You are strong, you are brave, you are kind and you are valid!
 
Best wishes, let us know if you have other questions.
 
Queery Traveler

 

Dear Queery Traveler,

Do you have any suggestions for affirming queer literature? Something that gives hope to the queer movement and it’s identities?

-S

Dear S,

Yes! Our two favorites are Amateur and Love is Love. Real Queer America, The Queeriodic Table, Queer Design, To Shake The Sleeping Self and When Katie Met Cassidy are also our top choices.

Let us know what you think,

Queery Traveler

Dear Queery Traveler,

My friend’s birthday is Friday, he is gay and wants to visit Philly. I want him to go to the best places! Any pointers on bars or streets he can visit?

-Bri

Dear Bri,

No problem! The Philly Gayborhood ranges from about 13th and walnut to 10th and pine.

There are so many yummy spots. El Vez, Charlie Was A Sinner (Vegan),  and Sampan are all delicious options on 13th between Sansom and Walnut Street. Green Eggs Cafe, just one block south, is some of the best brunch you can find. 

Locust also has a nice option of delicacies. Knock is perfect for a romantic dinner, along with Vedge , which is bound to blow the mind and taste-buds of any looking for something extra special.

For drinks, try Toasted Walnut, Stir, Bike Shop, Ubar and Tabu. Toasted walnut and Tabu are great because they have floor dedicated to different moods.

Hope this is a good start,

Queery Traveler

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