Three weeks ago, I felt so at peace in my happy place. Peace for me means letting my guard down and feeling like I can be authentic in who I am. The Philadelphia Trans Wellness Conference always brings me to that place of calm in my heart. Somedays, harmony can be hard to find or construct. I’m a trans man living in New York City; and I’ve been medically transitioning on testosterone for over 18 months. I came out at 20-years-old while living in my home state of South Carolina. In some ways, I can be your stereotypical southern man; in another, I feel so far removed from that way of life.
Don’t get me wrong: I love my sweet tea and cornbread! I don’t leave the house without bringing my manners and a side of charm along with me; but nothing beats how free NYC allows you to be. It’s also where I found my partner, Alena. We had an instant connection, from the moment a door swung open, four years ago. We locked eyes and have been inseparable ever since. Two years ago, we briefly moved to Philadelphia. I quickly realized there seemed to be more visible non-binary and trans people; or at least I was taking more notice. This made me feel like I wasn’t so alone in my new home and experience. I made several new transgendered friends and they told me about the conference. Looking back now, I wish I had known about the P.T.W.C sooner.
Magic happens when you are in a room full of people who not only look like you, but who understand your journey. Transgender life surely has its ups and downs, but this is a huge joy. Walking through the halls of the conference, it’s pleasing to see everyone with their guards down. You can almost feel a weight has lifted off of people around you. Smiles on people’s faces don’t seem forced, which is comforting. When I feel like other people within the L.G.B.T.Q. community have my back, I know I can accomplish anything.
This is the third year Alena and I have attended, but it was the first time we were able to be there for more than one day. This time, we got to sit in on discussions in which we were individually interested. My favorite class this year was an amazing session about being trans in the business world. The gathering ended up going into a group discussion where we gave each other our best advice. Alena always goes to a session that is specifically for partners of trans people. She says it is her safe space and that being around other partners makes her feel valued and acknowledged. We also get to take some seminars together. One session we attended was a money management course that was taught by a trans man. It was refreshing to sit next to my partner; I felt like we were able to learn as a team.
There are so many classes, sometimes it can be hard to pick which to go to during the same time slots. It’s nice to see that there are at least 2 or more classes for anyone on the spectrum enjoy. The conference and classes are free; but there is also a professional course list that you can pay to attend.
This year, I felt more comfortable speaking up in the sessions. I decided to take charge and be the one to engage in opening conversations; both with vendors and the community. The first few years, it was difficult mustering up the courage; especially with famous transmen at the booths that I have been following since early in my transition. I was intimidated at first, but now it’s become easier after meeting them and realizing that we aren’t so different.
The P.T.W.C. is one of the only places that allows exploration of one’s identity; in a way that is not only fun and exciting, but welcoming. You can’t walk past a merchant’s table without an engaging, “Hi, how are you? Are you enjoying the conference? Let me know if you have questions or need any help.” We all had this mutual unspoken understanding of one another and a specific kind of thoughtfulness in getting to know how we were alike on this gender journey.
The world is hard on a trans person who doesn’t “pass” as the gender one is trying to express. It can be difficult not to be hard on myself because of how I think others perceive me. I wish I could feel the effortlessness when shopping at my favorite men’s store or sitting in a barber shop. Instead, I feel like I end up walking through public spaces on egg shells; being forced to constant awareness for safety; and in hopes of the luxury of comfort. I even consider what pronouns are being used around me and who may be staring at me a little too hard or too long. I can’t express enough how refreshing it is to be in a large public space with lots of strangers, and to feel at ease. I think to myself: this must be how my Dad feels on a daily basis walking down a public sidewalk. Lucky him.
I am forever comforted seeing so many different kinds of individuals feeling so relaxed in their own skin. There was a rainbow of races, religions and genders present. Speaking to other trans men made me feel like no matter what stage of life I’ve been in, that my identity has always been valid; past, present and future. I wish there were more places in my life that hold a space for growth without judgement or pressure.
I remember Alena looking over at me and saying, “don’t you just wish the whole world looked like this?” I do. It was such a positive, warm and welcoming environment for anyone. It was nice to look over and know that anyone with a P.T.W.C. name-tag was not only an ally, but someone in the family. We do not become great on our own; we become great with the people in which we surround ourselves. We all need people in our lives who help challenge us to be the best version of ourselves. I hope the P.T.W.C. continues to grow, and that more people, like us, find this little slice of queer heaven. Next year, we all need to do our community a favor and invite a person who doesn’t know about this conference. Visibility is the best advocate.
Great article! PTWC is definitely a slice of queer and trans heaven. Getting to be myself with no questions or explanations for three days was amazing. Will definitely be attending every year that we can.